The Problem with Women and Wine

Real Women of Wine

The problem with women in wine is men.

Therefore, as a public service, I shall now explain to women in wine why men in wine act like that.

Wine has been dominated by men for most of its history and despite women being in many important positions in the industry today, the ethos is the same as it was 100 years ago. The past is the whole point of the wine industry— doing things the way they were done centuries ago.

It’s probably not immediately obvious to you, but that’s why your standard, gold medal award winning red wine has enough alcohol in it to embalm a corpse.

Men have a tendency to “beat” climate change instead of work with it, to “win” price “wars” instead of making their product better and to “dominate” the competition, usually, it pains me to say, by cheating.

Lying to customers is also popular.

Did you know, for instance, that some large stores change the color of price tags or otherwise code the bottles that they make the most money on so the salespeople will know what to recommend when you ask for a “nice wine to take to a dinner party”?

That salesperson isn’t looking for what’s best for you, he or she is looking for the “99” at the end of the stock number on the bottle.

Women do that kind of thing, too, but it is a singularly male sort of way to relate to the people who presumably you want to come back and buy again so you can pay your rent.

Susana Blaboa, Susana Balboa Wines, Mendoza, Argentina. Three time President of the Wines of Argentina. She is known for Torrontes, a white wine varietal.

Read the Article in Decanter

It’s not just who’s in charge, it’s less obvious things, like the style of wines. And it’s in the way wine is sold, delivered and harvested. It’s even in the bank financing—the guys one of partners used to call the “empty shirts”.

Don’t kid yourself. It’s the empty shirts that the run the business.

The real man thing is even in the way the vines are grown. Growers used to cut off the water in order to “stress the vines” because it “builds character” in them. Until there was no more water. You’d think that would make every wine they had sloppin’ over with character.

Drought provided a quick answer to the character question. How much stress on the vines is too much stress?

Now they know. This is.

Men identify with their vines. If the vines are “weak” and “can’t take it” men think that means they are weak and can’t take it.

Maybe a woman whose identity is not tied up in being tough would have just planned ahead and looked for more water. Maybe. Maybe her need to keep the vines alive just because they are alive might have been stronger than her need to be tough and dominate the drought.

The women of wine have to act twice as tough as men to get respect and then, like everywhere else in the world, they get criticized for being too “hard”.

There are exceptions of course. I’ve just never seen one.

Read about award winning women in wine

Real men of wine

The role of women in wine is often discussed, but the manliness of the men of wine is a mostly overlooked subject of oenological discourse. As it happens, standards of manhood in the wine business are significantly lower than driving a gasoline truck, say, or boxing on roller skates. But, they are there nonetheless.

Strangely, my father actually did box on roller skates, but that’s a different story I suppose. The point is that I was OK with either boxing or skating alone, but putting them together just never worked for me. You can see the sort of bind that put my manhood in right from the beginning back in Texas.

Fortunately, the wine business sets the bar for manliness a little lower.

For instance, I don’t know a single person in the wine business that boxes on roller skates. I think one reason that manliness standards are more lax in the wine business is that as real men of wine, we drink too much and take frequent, albeit unplanned naps.

For another thing, France sets the baseline for all things wine, including men.

Most of the French men that I know have a deeper relationship with cheese than they do with women—or with wine, for that matter, although they tend to make up in quantity whatever they may lack in depth with all three.

I can’t imagine that women are happy with this situation. But then, I’m not French or a woman either one.

I don’t know what French lumberjacks talk about, but the real men of wine tend to talk about things like the weather (“I heard it rained last night in Nicaragua and several of the grapes are wet. We’ll never get a 93 from the Wine Spectator now...”).

Also, strangely disturbing metaphors (“She’s a dainty little wine, shy really, and not given to the pastimes of pleasure that wrack others of her kind.”)

I doubt most men in France worry about weather or metaphors either one. But the general difference of opinion in what constitutes a real man is a major reason I got into the wine business.

It’s a whole lot less risky being a real man in wine than it is being a real man in bull riding in Texas for example. I’ve got cousins who ride bulls and not a single one of them drinks wine.

See? I rest my case.

The Traveling Salesman

When I was working for Frank Woods at Clos du Bois I drove up to our Georgia distributors office which was for some reason out in middle of the woods. Cheap land I suspect. I should have been suspicious going in.

As I'm pulling into the gravel driveway a cannon went off. A huge bang that shattered windows for miles. Or, it would have, if there had been any windows for miles. And maybe, to tell the absolute truth, it wasn’t a cannon. It was a really big rifle though. Giant...long.….big….rifle.

I estimated it to be roughly the size of Long Island.

So, I ease out and put my hands up and start walking toward the man at the end of the driveway. I had seen this in the movies. I figured it must be what you do when somebody shoots at you. ( Side note: as far as I know, no one ever shoots at women in the wine business which is a whole different kind of prejudice.)

This was not an act of manliness if you’re wondering, it’s an act of stupidity. But strangely, I once owned a liquor store in New York City and this wasn’t the first time somebody had threatened to kill me. It wasn’t even the 24th time someone had threatened to kill me.

Being shot at really wasn’t that unusual for a guy who had owned a liquor store in Manhattan.

“How y’all t’day?” I say with my best imitation Georgia accent.

“Hit anything yet?”

“Git out.” He looked annoyed.

“You know that same thing just crossed my mind. But, I gotta tell my boss I at least talked to you. Could we just talk a second? Hmmm? Couple of words. A sentence maybe.”

“Git out.”

“Good Sir, do you mind if I ask why you shoot at people who come to see you?”

“I thought you wuz somebuddy else.”

“I pity that man. Is he a salesman?”

“Gov’mint fella. Wants money.”

“I know that guy. He comes to my house too.”

I was starting to think the chances of a sale here are rapidly diminishing. Suddenly, I found myself eerily obsessed with gun control laws.

“You know, you could kill somebody with that thing, boss. Me for instance.”

“If I wuz trying to kill you”, he drawled, “you’d be dead.”

“Good point…Well, then. Goodbye now.” ( Backing away to the car)

“Y’all have a nice day, y’heah?.”

And, off I went.

Now, imagine that was two women.

Do you really think that’s how it would have gone? It can happen but it’s not the way to bet.

Language is wine upon the lips

Virginia Woolf (1882-1941)

Adventures in the Wine Trade

I owned a liquor store in New York. I have had guns and knives and at least one Johnny Walker bottle aimed at me dozens of times and not one of them was by a woman. Although, I will say the guy with the Johnnie Walker bottle was wearing a dress.

Surely, women have a better idea. At least, I hope you do.

So, even though we don’t get a lot of manliness points in the wine business (football players are much higher in manliness for instance—and plumbers). Women get no points at all.

So, let us now raise a glass to the real men of wine, and to the real women of wine who have to put up with them.

Y’all take care now, y’heah?

Women in wine talking about being women in wine

A Brief History of Women in Wine